Latest Funny One Liners

However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

To a young housewife: remember that a small bottle of vodka not only will decorate the table but also will hide your cooking mistakes.

If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.

How come "you're a peach" is a complement but "you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to tear society apart?

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

The only acceptable place to slap a woman is on her ass