Funny One Liners

Why are men are like public toilets? The good ones are taken, the rest are full of shit

Wife: "I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?" Husband: "You have perfect eyesight."

It's better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it

I remember when Halloween was the scariest night of the year. Now, it's Election night

What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that tiny thing?

All my dance moves look like i'm trying to tell the guy on first base to steal second

God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems