Funny One Liners

I've been waiting for the bus so long, someone just stapled a lost cat flyer to my chest

Before the wedding I have loved all the women on earth, after the wedding one woman less

Why do women close their eyes during sex? They can't stand seeing a man have a good time

If Bill Gates had a penny for every time I had to reboot my computer... Oh wait, he does

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong

The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble

A woman of 35 thinks of having children. What does a man of 35 think of? Dating children