Funny One Liners

My girlfriend's dad asked me what I do. Apparently, "your daughter" wasn't the right answer

"Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."

Transitional age is when during a hot day you don't know what you want - ice cream or beer

Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother

What's the best way to get a man to remember your anniversary? Get married on his birthday

Your opinion is very important to me, please remain on the line until it goes to voicemail

The best reason to divorce or break-up with a man is for health reasons you're sick of him