Funny One Liners

The truth is out there; it just hasn't been indexed well.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

Remember: You can eat your way out of almost any problem.

I need a new bank account. This one has run out of money.

My love for you is like diarrhea, I just cant hold it in!

If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.