Funny One Liners

I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative.

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.

You sound reasonable. It must be time to up my medication!

Heading out for drinks, bail money's on top of the fridge.

What's a man's idea of a balanced diet? Beer in each hand!

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?