Funny One Liners

Mostly men lie before the elections, sex and after fishing.

Love is the irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

"You can't sleep either?" Says a voice from under your bed.

Why doesn't Santa have any kids? He only comes once a year.

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day? Forget-me-nuts.

Diplomacy is saying "nice doggy" until you find a big rock.