Funny One Liners

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

The less you love a woman, the faster your hand gets tired.

I don't know what makes you so stupid, but it really works.

How are airplanes and women alike? They both have cockpits.

Everyone can find one person or three cats waiting for him.

You should argue with your wife only when she's not around.

Last time I got caught stealing a calendar I got 12 months.