Funny One Liners

Sometimes waking up means the best part of your day is over!

Secret to success is to know who to blame for your failures.

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

If bullshit could float...you'd be the Admiral of the fleet!

Why did the snowman smile? Because the snowblower is coming.

A woman never wakes up her second baby just to see it smile.