Funny One Liners

What did the light bulb say to the switch? "You turn me on."

There are two rules for success: 1) Don't tell all you know.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Don't let a man put anything over on you except an umbrella.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

Definition of a teenager? God's punishment for enjoying sex.

I could be a morning person. If morning started around noon.