Funny One Liners

Morning is the time when everyone is jealous of unemployed.

What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas? My bike.

Did your parents keep the placenta and throw away the baby?

An escalator can never break — it can only become stairs.

What did the blonde say when she saw Cheerios? Donut seeds.

Crime doesn't pay... does that mean that my job is a crime?

I eat the broken cookies first because I feel bad for them.