Funny One Liners

Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they're all pigs.

What do you give the blonde that has everything? Penicillin.

You may have a heart of gold, but so does a hard-boiled egg.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure.

I don't think you act stupid, I'm sure it's the real thing.

I've put something aside for a rainy day. It's an umbrella.

There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.