Funny One Liners

I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long.

Slept like a log last night... Woke up in the fireplace.

Secret: Something which is told to one person at a time.

I am on a seafood diet. Every time I see food, I eat it.

If you can't beat the record, you can beat up its owner.

Why did the bee get married? Because he found his honey.

You do realize makeup isn't going to fix your stupidity?