Funny One Liners

Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't!

Sex is a misdemeanor; the more I miss, the meaner I get!

Sit down, give your mind a rest - it obviously needs it.

My "it's cold outside" post just went viral on Facebook.

What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.