Funny One Liners

Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!

Do it tomorrow. You have made enough mistakes for today.

What is a vampire's sweetheart called? His ghoul-friend.

Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future.

My five year plan? I don't even have a five minute plan.

For those who never forget a face, you are an exception.