Funny One Liners

I don't have a Fitbit. But I have a couple of fat bits.

26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot them?

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!

Everything is edible, some things are only edible once.