Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.
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What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.
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My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."
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I heard the next Steve Jobs movie will be on IMAX. It's the same movie, just on a bigger screen
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I love what you've done with your hair. How do you get it to come out of the nostrils like that?
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If every day is a gift, I'd like a receipt for Monday. I want to exchange it for another Friday
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My wife had her driver's test the other day. She got 8 out of 10. The other 2 guys jumped clear
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