Funny One Liners

Living on earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip around the sun

I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread

The deeper the pit you're falling into, the more chance you have to learn how to fly

How long have I been working for this company? Ever since they threatened to fire me

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no Cash and no Hope

Money can't buy happiness, but it can help you look for it quicker, in a convertible

I come from a stupid family. During the civil war my great uncle fought for the West