Funny One Liners

Scientists proved that cows don't give us meat and milk. We just take it from them!

If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand

You haven't experienced awkward until you try to tickle someone who isn't ticklish

I always knew that I could never be a lawyer because of my inability to pass a bar

In democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes

I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I'm doing

Hey, I'm not saying Hitler was a great guy, but he really saved the History channel