Funny One Liners

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target

Ninety two percent of cross-eyed teachers have difficulty controlling their pupils

My wife installed a mirror over our bed. She said she likes to watch herself laugh

What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? They're married

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live

The wife of my friend is not a woman to me. But if she's pretty he's not my friend