Funny One Liners

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked

What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully? Miracle whip

What do men and beer bottles have in common? They are both empty from the neck up

Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant

If you win three games of Twister in a row you're automatically a yoga instructor

Behind every fat woman there is a beautiful woman. No seriously, you are in the way

I buy a lot of ringtones for someone who hasn't answered a phone call since 2008