Funny One Liners

I'm not saying I'm number one, uh sorry I lied I'm number one two three four and five

A friend is like a book: you don't need to read all of them, just pick the best ones

If God hadn't meant the pussy to be eaten, he wouldn't have made it look like a taco

Yo're so ugly, when your mom dropped you off at school she got a fine for littering

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off

Life is like toilet paper, you're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole