Funny One Liners

Sleep is my drug....my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police.

Aww, it's so cute when you try to talk about things you don't understand.

What's the worthless piece of skin hanging off the end of a penis? A man.

To err is human, to blame it on somebody else shows management potential.

True friendship comes when the silence between two people is comfortable.

Did you hear about the blind prostitute? Well, you got to hand it to her.

I'm a humble person, really. I'm actually much greater than I think I am.