Funny One Liners

Behind every successful student, there is a deactivated Facebook account.

By the time you learn the rules of life, you're too old to play the game.

Wouldn't exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?

Money isn't everything but it sure keeps you in touch with your children.

If the speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec., what's the speed of darkness?

You are so ugly when you looked in the mirror your reflection walked away.

My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.