Funny One Liners

My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

I don't have a beer gut, I have a protective covering for my rock hard abs.

Everything has to be related in a woman: if the mouth shuts, the legs open.

Democracy is three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.

A TV can insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a computer.

What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.

Why did the blonde scale the glass wall? To see what was on the other side.