Funny One Liners

A sports expert is the guy who writes the best alibis for being wrong.

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day? Sure, they're very scent-imental!

My room + internet connection + music + food - homework = perfect day.

The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.

I sleep better naked...why can't the flight attendant understand this?

Women with pasts interest men... they hope history will repeat itself.

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.