Funny One Liners

The best way to lie is to tell the truth, carefully edited truth.

My love for you is like dividing by zero-- it cannot be defined.

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

I'm trying to get on your good side, but I haven't found it yet.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Sex is like air; its not important unless you arent getting any.

I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.