Funny One Liners

Oh, what? Sorry. I was trying to imagine you with a personality.

I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

Where do you find a birthday present for a cat? In a cat-alogue!

Everything always ends well. If not - it's probably not the end.

What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.