Funny One Liners

How many times do I have to flush before you go away?

If you don't care where you are, then you ain't lost.

Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.

Love helps to kill time. And time helps to kill love.

I'm not a Facebook status, you don't have to like me.

You're like a fat stump, I'm always falling over you.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.