Funny One Liners

Patient: "Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake." Doctor: "Next time, take off the candles."

A woman is like a well-served table at which a man looks one way before he eats and differently after he ate

Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off

Masturbation is like procrastination, it's all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!

What do women and police cars have in common? They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming

Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of

Being a great father is like shaving. No matter how good you shaved today, you have to do it again tomorrow