Funny One Liners

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable. Now, of course, there's shipping and handling, too

Foreign Aid: The transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman

Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming

Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever's bugging you

Back in my day, we didn't watch TV while we ate dinner. We actually talked to each other. It was awful

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage