Funny One Liners

A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip

"Tired" isn't even a temporary state for me anymore it's more like a part of my personality at this point

I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter

Why did the stupid boy put clothes on the valentines he was sending? Because they needed to be ad-dressed!

Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"

What's worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face? Finding out it was traced

What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again