Funny One Liners

You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?

Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.

The more pregnant I get, the more often strangers smile at me. Why? "Cause you're fatter than they are."

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time

I'm trying to finish writing a script for a porno movie, but there are just too many holes in the plot

I saw a guy on his motorcycle and the back of his shirt said "If you can read this the bitch fell off."

How is being at a singles bar different from going to the circus? At the circus, the clowns don't talk