Funny One Liners

Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"

There are 364 days until Christmas and people already have their Christmas lights up. Unbelievable...

Dear ladies, if you want to have more free time and have fun on the weekends, teach your men fishing!

You're so fat that your husband rolled over after sex, rolled over again and was STILL on top of you

Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing

You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall... is in love with me

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall