Funny One Liners

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand

Why do men like love at first sight? Because he knows it's all over as soon as she opens her mouth

The longer you sleep the more sleep you need. The more you eat the bigger is your appetite

Why is being in the military like a blow-job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel

Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living

The lesson of Halloween is that pretending to be something you're not will lead to a sweet reward