Funny One Liners

What is live? Life is love. Whats love? Love is kissing. Whats kissing? Come here and I show you

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car

I named my hard drive "dat ass" so once a month my computer asks if I want to 'back dat ass up'

The dinner I was cooking for my family was going to be a surprise but the fire trucks ruined it

Why did the blond get fired from the banana plantation? Because she threw out all the bent ones.

What's the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.

My wife's not too smart. I told her, our kids were spoiled. She said, "All kids smell that way."