Funny One Liners

No woman ever falls in love with a man unless she has a better opinion of him than he deserves

I think the only time my ex didn't fake an orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers

I bought a new Japanese car. I turned on the radio... I don't understand a word they're saying

There are two kinds of people who don't say much: those who are quiet and those who talk a lot

Judging by the size of these chicken fingers, the chicken was somewhere between 8' to 11' tall

For once in my life, I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my penis

You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him