Funny One Liners

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

You never have to worry about love at first sight if you steadfastly keep looking at your phone.

A woman is like a parachute that can refuse at any time, that's why you need to have a spare one.

Why do men need instant replay on TV sports? Because after 30 seconds they forget what happened.

Why do black widow spiders kill their males after mating? To stop the snoring before it starts

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in the way that they are looking forward to it

Sometimes we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much more for them