Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart? Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small
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I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife
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A friend is someone who will help you move. A GOOD friend is someone who will help you move a dead body
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That awesome moment when you open the fridge and the first thing you see is the thing you wanted to eat
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We come to love not by finding a perfect person... but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly
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You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had?
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Do you know why beer goes through your system so fast? Because it does not have to stop to change color.
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