The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job
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That awkward moment when you're about to hug someone sexy as hell and then you hit the mirror
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Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch!
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I may not be getting laid tonight, but I'm definitely banging my snooze button in the morning
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How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it
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If you're looking for sympathy, you'll find it in the dictionary between "shit" and "syphilis"
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Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house
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