If Wal-Mart is lowering prices every day, why isn't anything in the store is free yet?
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What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day? You're purrr-fect for me!
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My dad used to always warn me about anal. He would say "Now son, this may hurt a bit"
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It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative
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"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing... except when you're at a funeral
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It looks like your face caught on fire and someone tried to put it out with a hammer
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If you can't say something nice, say it to your husband... he's not listening anyway
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