Latest Funny One Liners

What happened to the egg when he was tickled too much? He cracked up.

Life is tough enough without having someone kick you from the inside.

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Somedays I feel like running away. Then I remember how much I hate running.

Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.

That one liner 'i'm not drinking too much tonight' never goes as planned...