Latest Funny One Liners

I childproofed the house... but they still get in!

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

I get it ladies, I had abs before I had kids too.

Can I borrow a kiss? I promise I'll give it back.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

The road to success is always under construction.

Remember: What dad really wants is a nap. Really.