Funny One Liners

What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve? Social Security.

Somebody stole my mood ring and I'm not quite sure how I feel about that..

The best curve on a girl is her smile... Naw just kiddin, look at dat ass.

It's better to have business with a drunk professional than a sober idiot.

What does Santa suffer from if he gets stuck in a chimney? Claustrophobia!

What are the three words that men hate to hear during sex? "Are you done?"

How do you keep black people out of your back yard? Hang one in the front!