Funny One Liners

If the number 2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still number 2?

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Ever since I saw you in your family tree I've wanted to cut it down.

If we get rid of all the margarine the world will be a butter place.

Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things.