Funny One Liners

The major reason for divorce is marriage!

My wife is a bitch...

I haven't been interested in girls in the past. Seeing you in the morning can do that to a guy.

Justifying your actions is a sign of low self esteem

I can give you a hint. It's a number that doesn't exist in the roman numerals.

That's a cool story bro, but let me get an expert on cool stories down here so I know what I'm dealing with

Only difference between Christian Grey and myself is he has money. Somehow he's a ladies man, whereas I'm a pervert.