Funny One Liners

Doing things that you are not supposed to do at work makes your vision, hearing and alertness much better

Why don't women have men's brains? Because they don't have penises to put them in

Why did God create stock analysts? In order to make weather forecasters look good

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments

I'm a simple man. I see boobs I press like

Duracell Bunny arrested. Charged with battery.

Thanks to Instagram, I know what everybody ate today.