Funny One Liners

I welcome death

You remind me of my Chinese friend, Ug Lee

When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on.

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument