Funny One Liners

There is no point of running away form a sniper. You will die from exhaustion

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stopped at 3 ho's.

What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

A memorandum is written not to inform the reader, but to protect the writer.

If a person told you they were a pathological liar, should you believe them?