Funny One Liners

Unfortunately, but sometimes a woman can't find herself a man. She doesn't like the drunken ones, and the sober ones doesn't like her.

Before I criticize a man, I like to walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when I do criticize him, I'm a mile away and I have his shoes.

However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight.

If it is not Valentines day and you see a man in a flower shop, you can probably start up a conversation by asking, 'What did you do?'

If you're looking for the best time to spill things on yourself, might I suggest wearing a white shirt and right before an interview.

If you feel lonely, down, forgotten, or just need someone to cheer you up. Remember, you can always change your birthday on Facebook!

When your kids are little, you're a superhero. When they're teens you're a super villain. After that, your only power is invisibility.